cravating | (no subject)

[ The hitch in Matt's breath is almost an audible noise. He's so surprised though that he doesn't move at all, his head easily bent at Nate's touch.

He's not sure what to focus on; the hand on the leg or that scrape of his teeth, but what he does know is that they both feel fucking fantastic. ]

Okay yeah fair enough [ He manages, voice a little dry. Quite forgetting they're in public, even if relatively alone. ]

Are we nearly at yours yet?

[It's intoxicating, feeling the way Matt responds to him. The only other time they fooled around, it wasn't exactly... sober. So it wasn't quite the same as what this could be. He pulls away from Matt's earlobe, but not very far, letting out a quiet laugh that's more breath than sound. His hand doesn't leave his thigh, though. In fact, it creeps higher still, fingers gently massaging as he moves.]

Nearly. Why? Getting antsy?

[ Matt's eyes flick down, looking at Nate's hand as it moves up his thigh. His breath hitches a little more, a little more laboured and drawn, the effect clear. He finds himself almost laughing though, nerves, because he's so out of his comfort zone here. But Nate? Quiet little Nathan... ]

Since when did you get so confident?

[He gives a little shrug.]

I've always been comfortable with you. And at this point, I don't really need to guess that you want it, so...

[Plus, knowing that Matt's nervous helps. He wants to do what he can to make Matt forget about being nervous. By giving him a boner. Sure.]

Comfortable, yeah. But my memory is pretty good. Can't remember any takeaways in front of the tv where you had your hand... [ he lifts his own and gestures down ] you know. Near my dick.

You know I can't quite remember... when we... [ he's never really admitted this before ] I mean I was really drunk. [ he remembered that the'd done it, but the detail... well, hazy. ]

Well, that part is just...y'know experience. [He sure has had his hand near dicks before, Matt. Surprise.

But as Matt starts to talk about before, he pulls his hand back a bit, just resting comfortably on Matt's thigh.]

I sort of guessed. Just have to make sure you're sober tonight, yeah?

[ When he shifts his hand back a bit he feels almost almost disappointed. Weird. It's all just... weird. But it's a good weird, or at least he thinks so. ]

Yeah. Well. I don't drink like that any more.[ He doesn't do a lot of things he did then any more. He's tried to turn over a new leaf, as much as he can. ]

You know I'm not like that now, don't you? The shit I did back then... I won't do that again. To you. Or anyone.

[He gets why Matt keeps bringing it up, and it's good. It's good that he feels bad, that he wants to make sure Nate feels safe. He wouldn't ever fault him for that. But he also doesn't want Matt sitting here feeling like he needs to say that, like he needs to convince Nate of it.

His hand moves again, this time off of Matt's thigh to instead take his hand, threading their fingers together without hesitation this time.]

I know, Matt. I know that's not you. It wasn't you then either. You were just... it wasn't you.

[ He's holding his hand, and that's somehow harder than the ear biting and thigh rubbing. It's emotional, and to admit he has feelings for him is so hard. It goes against how he was brought up, even by the good people in his life. ]

It was me though. [ he frowns a bit. he wishes it wasn't but he knows it was. ]

I'm capable of that. I wish it was some fucking demon or something, something that took over me, apart from the drink. But it wasn't. It was me. And I did that to the most fucking important person in my life. I could have killed you. If I didn't stop when I did then I would have. Two more hits, they said. Just two.

[Just hearing him talk about it, Nate can't help but let his eyes close briefly, jaw clenching and his hand tightening around Matt's by reflex.]

Yeah, but you didn't. [His voice is quieter.] I'm here, alright? And you're not going to do it again.

[ He looks at him, eyes on his, chest rising and falling and feeling that grip and everything it means. There's a lot of mess here, none of it easy to clear up. But it's important, all of it. He knows.

And maybe that's why he takes it upon him himself to lean in and initiate a kiss himself. Small, but there, lips to lips, nervous, but god full of every fucking messed up emotion he has. ]

I'm really glad you text me tonight.

[It's a small thing, but for Matt to do that on his own? It's huge. And Nate recognizes it, appreciates it. And his heart beat a little faster for it.]

Me too. [He whispers, his gaze lifting to meet Matt's, keeping close.]

This is our stop. [He adds as they slow to a stop. He moves to stand and... doesn't let go of Matt's hand. He'll leave that one up to him.]

[ Matt lets go of his hand. It isn't that he doesn't want to be close, it's just... one step at a time. He's doing his best, and he'll get there, he hopes. He hopes. Instead, he shoves his hands in his pockets. ]

We really did get soaked in that rain [ he laughs as they walk up through the station and out, how had they not really registered it? ]

[Nate does his best not to look disappointed. He knows it can't all happen at once. But he likes the hand holding part. He wants to do more of that.]

No shit. [He laughs a bit as they head up to the street. The sound of rain greets them.] Not about to let up any time soon, is it?

Is your place far? [ He frowns, leaving the confines of the underground station ]. Mind you, we'll just have to get you out of those wet things when we get you back, won't we?

Not too far. [He turns down to the left and heads down the street, feeling like this is so familiar and also totally new all at once.]

Same goes for you, doesn't it? Those jeans are soaked through and that shirt?

Yeah you know it's right through to my underwear I think. Might have to get rid of that too. Shame, eh?

[ He grins a bit as he follows after him. It's so natural to be with him that he makes this feel not as weird as it could. He might not feel that way the further they get, but he thinks perhaps it just might feel right. ]

Fucking Christ... [He mutters under his breath because of course Matt can turn it around just like that without even batting an eye.] Yeah, just might need to get rid of it all. Could get the shower going to warm us up?

[Turn about is fair play, sir.]

[ And there's that delighted grin again that he got a reaction. Really he could keep up with that all night. ]

Oh I can think of a thing or two to get the blood flowing.

Could you? Mind sharing with the class? [So far he hasn't actually... said anything. He's just teased at it. Nate's curious just what sort of ideas he's got about what they're going to be doing.]

[ Ah well there's the crux of it. Matt's all talk, but he's hardly an expert on fucking men, in truth? He hasn't got a clue. He's just going with the flow here and hoping things just work out. He could keep up the bravado, but he knows, Nate knows him better. So he looks at him and laughs, shaking his head. ]

I really haven't got a clue, you know. You're kind of my tour guide. And hey, you loved that when we went to the Lake District.

[The honesty is just really refreshing, honestly. He's seen Matt really play up the act with girls before, and while he's always sweet to them, he can really be just a confident asshole when he wants to be.]

I'll take care of it, don't you worry. [Approaching his building, Nate slows to a stop.]

Oh, fuck.

I'll hold you to it [ he smiles a little as he talks, glancing down before those two words have him lifting his head sharply back up. ]

What? What's wrong?

[He gestures to a car parked up ahead.]

Simon's car. Shit, he must have... fuck. [He really doesn't like confrontation, especially after the incident with Matt. It makes him jittery as hell.]

[ Who the fuck drives in London... and look at that showy thing is what Matt thinks, but manages not to actually say because even he knows that insulting the boyfriend (ex boyfriend?) isn't the best thing to be doing right now.

Of course this has happened though, of course his boyfriend would come after him, worries. He probably wants to be all rational and shit, and if there's one thing he knows? If he sees him, he'll flip his lid.

Pretty much nobody wants Matt in Nate's life, and he can understand why. Friends is bad enough but more? Well nobody would even expect that. He knows Nate didn't tell a wide group of people what happened, only those in the pub that night that probably hadn't all believed it anyway. ]

I should-- I should go. You don't need me here, I'll just make it worse.