cravating | (no subject)

Oh I know you know how to have a good time [ he laughs, really, there are plenty of memories. Maybe that's why then his next words take a slight turn. Not about conquests or one upmanship, but about them, the things they've done together ]

Remember when you had that bug. That, what was it, infection thing? God you were ill. You didn't get off this thing for a week. [ But Matt had been there, took time off work, didn't let him argue, he just looked after him. ]

[He can't help but smile at the memory.]

God, that was awful. Nothing sounded appetizing but that soup of yours. We watched so much crap tv that week.

Oh fuck yeah. What was that film?! Do you remember? The one with the elephant? [ he starts to laugh ] Christ that was bad.

[ Looking over to him, he smiles, resting his mug on the arm of the chair ]

I really fucking missed you, you know. This. You know what I did, Nate, I-- [ he trails, and shakes his head. He needs to do this, properly do this, but he's not sure how ]

[Nate would rather not do this but he gets why Matt keeps bringing it back up.]

I know, Matt. Can't change it, so let's just try to move past it, yeah?

But I need to apologise. I need to, Nate. You know I still see you there, on the ground. And you know it didn't matter what you said, how many times you asked me to stop, it was like I couldn't hear you, you know. Like I couldn't see straight. And then you stopped, and you weren't saying nothing, and it snapped like I- I realised and you were there and bleeding and and--

[ as he speaks he's getting more and more worked up, and no, no he's sure Nate doesn't want a reminder of all of this, he should shut up, but he can't, tears in his eyes as he breathes out a shaky breath ].

I tried to to let them let me go with you but they wouldn't. They wouldn't even tell me if you were alive.

But I'm alive, aren't I? Right here. [He reaches over to take Matt's hand, hating the way he sees tears in the other man's eyes. It's all so complicated. It helps to hear him feel bad about it, but he just wants to move forward.]

Don't think about me like that. Just see me here. I'm right here.

[ He grips his hand back, and tries to push it away, to listen to him. If he can move past it, then it's the least he can do to do the same ].

I need to know something though [ he wipes a hand back through his hair and shakes it off a little ]

If me and you ever argue, ever, over anything, whatever I dunno. But if we do. Are you going to be scared? Of me? Of what I might do if I flip.

I don't know. [He says honestly, shaking his head.] I'm not good with arguments. Never was, really, but after...

[He shrugs one shoulder.]

But it's not something in the back of my mind, if that's what you mean. I'm not like...waiting for you to do that again.

Okay[ he nods, and he's thankful for him being truthful. It isn't easy to hear, easy to know, but it's better than pretending everything is perfectly fine.

It takes him a moment, but he notices then that their hands are still held, and he looks over towards them. Huh. Strange. Weird, again. So weird. He doesn't pull his hand back now. ]

Come on, your tea'll go cold.

Edited 2015-11-17 19:36 (UTC)

[He looks at his tea and yeah, he should probably get back to that. But he doesn't really want to.]

Thought you said there were other ways to warm up.

[Its not as overt as they were being on the tube, but it's the start of edging back to that. His thumb idly runs along the back of Matt's hand.]

[ Ohhh okay. Matt hasn't really been sure where all this would go, where it could go, even. It still makes him scared to think of doing something, and in truth he isn't sure if that fear is 'doing something with a man' fear, or 'doing something with Nate' fear. With his best friend and someone he's quietly in love with.

He just takes a long look at him, leaning his head sideways back against the sofa. ]

So... Not gonna lie, I'm really fucking nervous right now. Are we going to-- Do you even want to? I mean you don't have to.

Wouldn't be saying something if I didn't. [He's not the sort to feel obligated, least of all with Matt, nervous as he is.]

But if you don't want to, I get it. [Maybe he's changed his mind? The hand holding is still happening so that's a good sign.]

Have you ever know a time when I didn't want to have sex? [ He jokes easily. Easier than just about anything else, at least. A skirting way of saying that yes, he wants to do this. ]

What about [ he gestures a hand towards the phone on the arm of the chair ]Mr Texty over there. You've not really left things sorted, have you?

They're sorted. [He says firmly.] He just doesn't realize it yet.

[He turns a little more towards Matt, looking a bit more intense.]

I don't want anyone but you.

[ Well that's direct, he can't really skirt around that one. He wants him. It's sort of thrilling. No, no it's more than that. He never believed this was anything that could happen. If anything he only really admitted to himself his real feelings when he was sure that them coming to anything was beyond impossible. It was safe then, when nothing could happen.

But here they are. ]

So how's this work then? There some secret gay handshake or something?

Not exactly. Although it's tempting to lie to you just to see you make an arse of yourself.

[He's a little shit sometimes.]

Could kiss me again. Seemed to do pretty well with that.

[ He laughs again, and lets go of his hand just to give him a shove. ] Wanker.

[ He seems as though he's debating the question, but he's not really, just... taking it all in. Thinking about all the time they've spent together on this sofa. Of all the things they could do, he never expected this would be on the list.

But it is, and right now it's at the top. Matt leans forward and puts his mug on the coffee table, before turning back to Nate, moving in and slowly letting his lips press to his. It's all slow and careful, nervous yes, unsure, but not letting that stop him.

It's not trying to get it over with quickly, not rushing, curious as he parts his lips a little, and brings his hand over to hold at the side of Nate's face. ]

[Matt hasn't really kissed him yet- not like this, not like its something that comes right from the heart. Nate's eyes flutter closed, unable to breath for a moment as he feels that hand reach up to cup his face. His hand reaches to rest where Matt's neck and shoulder meet, shifting upward until his fingers can brush against the short hairs at the back of his neck.

As Matt's lips part, so do his, a small noise of approval escaping him before he can stop himself. Just as in the alley, Nate tentatively allows his tongue to brush against Matt's, exploring this new thing between them, offering the chance to deepen it.]

[ For all that they'd kissed earlier in the evening, nothing til now had felt quite so deliberate, had been something that wasn't quick and reactionary. This is something else. He's meeting him for the first time, in ways he never has before. He knows him so well, and yet this? Brand new.

Matt's tongue rolls gently against Nate's, his lips moving against his. Fuck his lips are soft. He's always thought his lips looked soft. And he's a good kisser too, at least he seems like a good kisser. He's pretty into carrying on to find out for sure.

That little noise of approval spurs him on a bit, adding a touch more pressure, leaning a little more towards him. ]

[Nate seems to lean back in perfect time as Matt presses forward, the couch shifting under their weight, welcoming them. Matt always seemed like a good kisser from what he could tell when he caught him snogging girls on this very sofa, but now? Fuck now he knows for himself that he's great. Nate can only hope he stacks up, but even then, he's not thinking of it much. It's all instinct. ]

[ Moving a little, Matt shifts over Nate, pressing him back a little into the couch as he does. For now he just... focuses on the kissing. If he were a woman then his next steps would be, to the chest, open the bra, that sort of thing before maybe heading between the legs. But Nate is most definitely not a woman, and so it's like his usual road map has been entirely taken away from him.

He needs a sex sat nav.

For now, he'll just keep kissing him. Which he does, he really does, barely stopping for breath, building a little with desire, with heat. God this feels good. ]

[Nate knows that he's going to have to lead a little, which is fine with him. He knows the things he likes and the pace he likes to take. As Matt presses him back into the couch, Nate shifts and guides Matt wth him so they can lay back a little, not fully horizontal, but getting there. His fingers inch up, combing up into Matt's damp hair, twisting the strands around his fingers, not tugging, just playing with them a bit.

His free hand moves to Matt's waist, finally feeling those muscles he's been flaunting. Another little noise escapes him as he touches taut, toned muscle. Yes, this is nice. He'll take more of this please.]

[ It feels good to have his fingers near his skin like that, surprisingly good. He wants more, he wants everything. Fuck he wants him more than he's ever wanted most things. This is crazy, wonderful but completely crazy.

He shifts over him a little, moving with him, his knee fitting between Nate's knees, bodies close and he's pretty sure that's his erection he can feel through that thin fabric.

Okay so no, that's definitely weird. And definitely weird how turned on he is by it. That's really pretty gay. He pulls back for breath, gasping a little, and lifting his head to look at him. ]

That something in your pocket or you just pleased to see me?

[The pressure of Matt's knee against his groin is just right, just enough for him to lift his hips gently, rubbing against his thigh a bit to try to relieve the pressure. He's lost in a lustful daze, and nearly doesn't hear Matt's comment. But the fog clears enough and it registers. Laughing lightly, he glances down between them like... Well, I don't have pockets. But instead of saying that, his hand on Matt's waist shifts around front and moves down to gently run his fingers over Matt's own hardened length, shivering at the feel of it, even with the thin fabric between them.]

Dunno- you tell me.

[He can't let you get away with being a cocky fuck this whole time.]

[ It's enough to make his breath hitch again. He should have expected that. Why didn't he expect that. His cock twitches at the near touch though, hard in the loose pj bottoms. It's his turn to laugh now, as he glances down and sees Nate's hand over his crotch. He's not sure if he's laughing because it feels good or just because of the absurdity of it all. ]

Oh I'm definitely pleased to see you.