cravating | (no subject)

[ That smirk is there again, delighted with himself for having got a reaction. He still likes to wind him up even now. Of course it's a coping mechanism too, make a joke out of it to make it just a bit less real. ]

So what's your place like?[ Bloody smalltalk. He'd much rather be doing the scary kissing again. ]

It's pretty small. Basically all I could afford on my own. But it's nice. [He would also rather be kissing, but he's not about to press his luck with that right now.]

Probably won't stack up with your big orgy castle.

Yeah it's a pretty special place. I mean just take the orgies.

[ He turns his head looking at him now instead of the reflection. He smiles, a bit. Fuck it's so good to see him though, even this, sitting next to him on a tube, it's ridiculous how good that feels.

The carriage stops, and the only other person that remains on it but them steps off, leaving them alone. ]

[Nate's quiet as the last person gets off. They've got a couple more stops until theirs, so he's very still, waiting until the doors close again and they start moving. They're alone, so he hooks his pinkie around Matt's, then gets bolder by reaching across with his free hand to tip his face just right so he can kiss him.

It's brief, soft, and sweet. He just likes being able to do that, even if it has to be while no one is around to see it.]

I'm not really interested in orgies.

[ It makes him laugh. It's not really humour it's just barely believe that he's kissing him. That that's just a thing that's happening; Nate kissing him on an underground carriage. And more, that he's not just completely freaking out about it. Wonders will never cease. ]

Yeah? So what are you interested in? [ Well, he laid that bait, now he wants the details. They've had all sorts of chats, but they never had this one. ]

What, you think I'm going to just tell you? [He raises both eyebrows and gives him a teasing smile.]

And here I thought you'd be sure to have it all figured out. Seeing as you were apparently listening to me shagging and all.

[Well, did you think that wasn't going to come back to haunt you, Matt?]

Once, Nate, fucking once. And you were loud, what was I supposed to do, buy earplugs? [ he doth protest too much ]

And anyway, how many times have you listened to me shag? Yeah exactly I thought so.

Which means I have a pretty good idea of what you like- or what you sound like when you I've found it, at least.

[He's not at all ashamed to admit he's listened to Matt on several occasions.]

Okay fine, then what do I like? [ he turns the tables a bit, and smirks again, nope he's not letting this go. ]

[Well, he's not going to back down now, is he? So that hand that was hooking their pinkies together slips away to instead move to his leg, inching up and over to run along his inner thigh. Meanwhile, he tilts Matt's face away from him, trailing his fingers along his jawline before he leans in and captures Matt's earlobe with his teeth, tugging lightly.

He might have watched a girl do that to Matt on the couch when he came home late from classes. There were noises.]

[ The hitch in Matt's breath is almost an audible noise. He's so surprised though that he doesn't move at all, his head easily bent at Nate's touch.

He's not sure what to focus on; the hand on the leg or that scrape of his teeth, but what he does know is that they both feel fucking fantastic. ]

Okay yeah fair enough [ He manages, voice a little dry. Quite forgetting they're in public, even if relatively alone. ]

Are we nearly at yours yet?

[It's intoxicating, feeling the way Matt responds to him. The only other time they fooled around, it wasn't exactly... sober. So it wasn't quite the same as what this could be. He pulls away from Matt's earlobe, but not very far, letting out a quiet laugh that's more breath than sound. His hand doesn't leave his thigh, though. In fact, it creeps higher still, fingers gently massaging as he moves.]

Nearly. Why? Getting antsy?

[ Matt's eyes flick down, looking at Nate's hand as it moves up his thigh. His breath hitches a little more, a little more laboured and drawn, the effect clear. He finds himself almost laughing though, nerves, because he's so out of his comfort zone here. But Nate? Quiet little Nathan... ]

Since when did you get so confident?

[He gives a little shrug.]

I've always been comfortable with you. And at this point, I don't really need to guess that you want it, so...

[Plus, knowing that Matt's nervous helps. He wants to do what he can to make Matt forget about being nervous. By giving him a boner. Sure.]

Comfortable, yeah. But my memory is pretty good. Can't remember any takeaways in front of the tv where you had your hand... [ he lifts his own and gestures down ] you know. Near my dick.

You know I can't quite remember... when we... [ he's never really admitted this before ] I mean I was really drunk. [ he remembered that the'd done it, but the detail... well, hazy. ]

Well, that part is just...y'know experience. [He sure has had his hand near dicks before, Matt. Surprise.

But as Matt starts to talk about before, he pulls his hand back a bit, just resting comfortably on Matt's thigh.]

I sort of guessed. Just have to make sure you're sober tonight, yeah?

[ When he shifts his hand back a bit he feels almost almost disappointed. Weird. It's all just... weird. But it's a good weird, or at least he thinks so. ]

Yeah. Well. I don't drink like that any more.[ He doesn't do a lot of things he did then any more. He's tried to turn over a new leaf, as much as he can. ]

You know I'm not like that now, don't you? The shit I did back then... I won't do that again. To you. Or anyone.

[He gets why Matt keeps bringing it up, and it's good. It's good that he feels bad, that he wants to make sure Nate feels safe. He wouldn't ever fault him for that. But he also doesn't want Matt sitting here feeling like he needs to say that, like he needs to convince Nate of it.

His hand moves again, this time off of Matt's thigh to instead take his hand, threading their fingers together without hesitation this time.]

I know, Matt. I know that's not you. It wasn't you then either. You were just... it wasn't you.

[ He's holding his hand, and that's somehow harder than the ear biting and thigh rubbing. It's emotional, and to admit he has feelings for him is so hard. It goes against how he was brought up, even by the good people in his life. ]

It was me though. [ he frowns a bit. he wishes it wasn't but he knows it was. ]

I'm capable of that. I wish it was some fucking demon or something, something that took over me, apart from the drink. But it wasn't. It was me. And I did that to the most fucking important person in my life. I could have killed you. If I didn't stop when I did then I would have. Two more hits, they said. Just two.

[Just hearing him talk about it, Nate can't help but let his eyes close briefly, jaw clenching and his hand tightening around Matt's by reflex.]

Yeah, but you didn't. [His voice is quieter.] I'm here, alright? And you're not going to do it again.

[ He looks at him, eyes on his, chest rising and falling and feeling that grip and everything it means. There's a lot of mess here, none of it easy to clear up. But it's important, all of it. He knows.

And maybe that's why he takes it upon him himself to lean in and initiate a kiss himself. Small, but there, lips to lips, nervous, but god full of every fucking messed up emotion he has. ]

I'm really glad you text me tonight.

[It's a small thing, but for Matt to do that on his own? It's huge. And Nate recognizes it, appreciates it. And his heart beat a little faster for it.]

Me too. [He whispers, his gaze lifting to meet Matt's, keeping close.]

This is our stop. [He adds as they slow to a stop. He moves to stand and... doesn't let go of Matt's hand. He'll leave that one up to him.]

[ Matt lets go of his hand. It isn't that he doesn't want to be close, it's just... one step at a time. He's doing his best, and he'll get there, he hopes. He hopes. Instead, he shoves his hands in his pockets. ]

We really did get soaked in that rain [ he laughs as they walk up through the station and out, how had they not really registered it? ]

[Nate does his best not to look disappointed. He knows it can't all happen at once. But he likes the hand holding part. He wants to do more of that.]

No shit. [He laughs a bit as they head up to the street. The sound of rain greets them.] Not about to let up any time soon, is it?

Is your place far? [ He frowns, leaving the confines of the underground station ]. Mind you, we'll just have to get you out of those wet things when we get you back, won't we?