cravating | (no subject)

[Oh. Oh. That's nice. The low light really catches that damp skin nicely. Nate's gaze travels down, following along the lines of those newly toned muscles.]

Christ...

[That wasn't meant to be aloud.]

[ that Makes Matt laugh and fuck knows they could both do with that. He shakes his head a little as he looks at him. ]

Oh you like? [ he nods towards the door ] I made you a cuppa.

Hm? [Oh. Words. Yes, those.] Tea, yeah. [That requires moving. He finally tears his eyes away to grab for his dry tshirt and pulls it on. With a last lingering look, he heads for the door.]

Be quick about it. [Have a cuddle on the couch with tea, please. Nate heads out to get his tea and get comfortable...and try to ignore the way he's becoming increasingly turned on.]

[ matt Watches him go with a slight smile before shaking his head and changing out of the wet jeans and into the stuff Nate gave him. He can't help briefly wonder if he gave the other guy a hard on. Really the only ever dick he's ever been interested before is his own.

A couple of minutes later he's heading back out, clothed, and reaching for his mug which he takes and moves down to the couch. He flops down on it like muscle memory. So strange. Like coming home ]

I can't believe you've still got this old thing.

[He's got both feet up on the coffee table, bare feet slowly warming up as he acclimates to the temperature inside. His phone is resting on the arm of the couch next to him, at the ready to text Simon just to keep him from panicking. With both hands wrapped around his mug, he gives Matt a small smile as he feels the weight of the couch shift. Just like old times.]

Couldn't bring myself to throw it out.

Nate this thing's like an old dog that needs putting down to put out of its misery.

[ he turns his head towards him and grins a little ]

You know I have Jessica Monroe her first orgasm right where you're sitting. I think there's a stain actually.

[ its so normal it feels almost shocking. But good? Oh so good. He'd missed him, like he'd cut out part of who he is but look, there he is just on the other end of a couch. ]

Yeah? Well, I blew Tommy O'Connor on it while you were at work. Him right there. [He sips his tea slowly, like you aren't the only one who fucked on this couch, asshole. Also, he might have a thing for the Irish. Doesn't want to talk about it.]

[ of course Matt is in the middle of a sip of tea that he almost spits out when Nate gives that revelation. And he looks at him eyes wide. ]

What, Tommy the bar back at the pub, that Tommy? He's gay?! [ also a totally cheap imitation of Matt btw. ]

You know you're a dark horse, Nathaniel. What other secrets you hiding?

[He's so pleased by that reaction, but instead of answering, he just gives a coy little shrug. He takes another drink and then sets the mug back down on the table, glancing over at Matt.]

You're not the only one who knows how to have a good time, that's all.

Oh I know you know how to have a good time [ he laughs, really, there are plenty of memories. Maybe that's why then his next words take a slight turn. Not about conquests or one upmanship, but about them, the things they've done together ]

Remember when you had that bug. That, what was it, infection thing? God you were ill. You didn't get off this thing for a week. [ But Matt had been there, took time off work, didn't let him argue, he just looked after him. ]

[He can't help but smile at the memory.]

God, that was awful. Nothing sounded appetizing but that soup of yours. We watched so much crap tv that week.

Oh fuck yeah. What was that film?! Do you remember? The one with the elephant? [ he starts to laugh ] Christ that was bad.

[ Looking over to him, he smiles, resting his mug on the arm of the chair ]

I really fucking missed you, you know. This. You know what I did, Nate, I-- [ he trails, and shakes his head. He needs to do this, properly do this, but he's not sure how ]

[Nate would rather not do this but he gets why Matt keeps bringing it back up.]

I know, Matt. Can't change it, so let's just try to move past it, yeah?

But I need to apologise. I need to, Nate. You know I still see you there, on the ground. And you know it didn't matter what you said, how many times you asked me to stop, it was like I couldn't hear you, you know. Like I couldn't see straight. And then you stopped, and you weren't saying nothing, and it snapped like I- I realised and you were there and bleeding and and--

[ as he speaks he's getting more and more worked up, and no, no he's sure Nate doesn't want a reminder of all of this, he should shut up, but he can't, tears in his eyes as he breathes out a shaky breath ].

I tried to to let them let me go with you but they wouldn't. They wouldn't even tell me if you were alive.

But I'm alive, aren't I? Right here. [He reaches over to take Matt's hand, hating the way he sees tears in the other man's eyes. It's all so complicated. It helps to hear him feel bad about it, but he just wants to move forward.]

Don't think about me like that. Just see me here. I'm right here.

[ He grips his hand back, and tries to push it away, to listen to him. If he can move past it, then it's the least he can do to do the same ].

I need to know something though [ he wipes a hand back through his hair and shakes it off a little ]

If me and you ever argue, ever, over anything, whatever I dunno. But if we do. Are you going to be scared? Of me? Of what I might do if I flip.

I don't know. [He says honestly, shaking his head.] I'm not good with arguments. Never was, really, but after...

[He shrugs one shoulder.]

But it's not something in the back of my mind, if that's what you mean. I'm not like...waiting for you to do that again.

Okay[ he nods, and he's thankful for him being truthful. It isn't easy to hear, easy to know, but it's better than pretending everything is perfectly fine.

It takes him a moment, but he notices then that their hands are still held, and he looks over towards them. Huh. Strange. Weird, again. So weird. He doesn't pull his hand back now. ]

Come on, your tea'll go cold.

Edited 2015-11-17 19:36 (UTC)

[He looks at his tea and yeah, he should probably get back to that. But he doesn't really want to.]

Thought you said there were other ways to warm up.

[Its not as overt as they were being on the tube, but it's the start of edging back to that. His thumb idly runs along the back of Matt's hand.]

[ Ohhh okay. Matt hasn't really been sure where all this would go, where it could go, even. It still makes him scared to think of doing something, and in truth he isn't sure if that fear is 'doing something with a man' fear, or 'doing something with Nate' fear. With his best friend and someone he's quietly in love with.

He just takes a long look at him, leaning his head sideways back against the sofa. ]

So... Not gonna lie, I'm really fucking nervous right now. Are we going to-- Do you even want to? I mean you don't have to.

Wouldn't be saying something if I didn't. [He's not the sort to feel obligated, least of all with Matt, nervous as he is.]

But if you don't want to, I get it. [Maybe he's changed his mind? The hand holding is still happening so that's a good sign.]

Have you ever know a time when I didn't want to have sex? [ He jokes easily. Easier than just about anything else, at least. A skirting way of saying that yes, he wants to do this. ]

What about [ he gestures a hand towards the phone on the arm of the chair ]Mr Texty over there. You've not really left things sorted, have you?

They're sorted. [He says firmly.] He just doesn't realize it yet.

[He turns a little more towards Matt, looking a bit more intense.]

I don't want anyone but you.

[ Well that's direct, he can't really skirt around that one. He wants him. It's sort of thrilling. No, no it's more than that. He never believed this was anything that could happen. If anything he only really admitted to himself his real feelings when he was sure that them coming to anything was beyond impossible. It was safe then, when nothing could happen.

But here they are. ]

So how's this work then? There some secret gay handshake or something?

Not exactly. Although it's tempting to lie to you just to see you make an arse of yourself.

[He's a little shit sometimes.]

Could kiss me again. Seemed to do pretty well with that.