cravating | (no subject)

[Nate thinks that stopping might be the absolute last thing that he wants right now, but he also doesn't want to have this over with too soon. And coming would certainly stop things in their tracks- mostly because he doesn't know how Matt would react, what he would do after.]

No. I mean, yeah, I want you to keep going but... [he lets out a little huff of a laugh] I think if you don't stop now, I'm not going to be much use for awhile. And I want this good for you, too.

[He shifts and gently moves Matt's hand, holding onto him by the wrist and pulling him towards him for another kiss.]

Your hand feels so fucking good, though. [he mutters against the other man's mouth.]

I get it [ he says with a small laugh of his own. He doesn't want Nate to think he doesn't. They don't want this to end, and that's got to be a good thing, hasn't it? ]

Tell me yesterday I'd have been doing this today and I'd have laughed you out of town. [ Words spoken between his lips on his, kisses stolen and filled with heat.

Behind them, a small light fills the lamplit room, and a gentle buzz as Nate's phone goes off again. It's been going off for the last few minutes, strangely enough gone unnoticed. ]

What now? [ he asks gently, his breath drawn. He knows what he wants, but the words won't quite speak themselves just yet. It seems far too bold to tell him he wants to fuck him, to see if that's what he wants too. How does gay sex work? Do they draw straws? Fuck, does Nate want to fuck him? ]

[Each kiss is like a little jolt of lightning down his spine. It's all he can do to not just climb in Matt's lap and snog him senseless, but he's trying to take things a little slower, get him used to all of this. He breaks away to try to answer, but just as he opens his mouth, he hears his phone.]

Fuck. [No that's not an answer to your question, Matt. Nate turns and grabs his phone, reading the last several messages and letting out a long sigh. He types out a quick response, telling Simon that he's going to bed and doesn't want to discuss anything further until tomorrow. He can only hope that takes care of it. Probably won't.

He sets his phone on the table next to his abandoned tea and turns back to Matt.]

Sorry. Should be the last of him tonight. So... yeah. It's whatever you want, honestly. I don't want to push you too far, you know?

[ It isn't? Shame, he'd really like the idea of that. He laughs a little and shakes his head ]

Nate, relax. It's me that's supposed to be the nervous wreck here, right? And do I look like I'm being pushed? I'm enjoying myself, okay? I want to be here. If it's too much I'll tell you but look I'm not going to freak out or anything, yeah?

I'll leave that for tomorrow.

[ Maybe not the best sort of joke given the circumstances and their history, but oh well he's said it now. ]

So come on, where were we.

Fuck off. I'm allowed to be nervous too. [He says with a light laugh, trying to get back to that comfortable feeling, just being with Matt...while he's naked and Matt is nearly as well. No big deal.

He takes a deep breath to try to shake off the last of that nervous twinge, turning towards Matt and resting a hand on his knee.]

About here, I think. [Just like on the tube, his hand slides up Matt's inner thigh, gently massaging the muscle. And just like on the tube, he leans in to capture Matt's earlobe between his teeth, teasing and tugging lightly. But unlike before, this time, his hand doesn't stop. This time, he keeps moving up and up until he can palm Matt's cock, running his hand along the length before he moves his hand higher to slip beneath the waistband of the garment and wraps his hand around his erection. He doesn't move immediately, just enjoys feeling just how hard Matt is and knowing that it's all because of him.]

[ He wants to sort of watch, to see what he's doing, as if he can't quite believe it's real if he doesn't see it with his own eyes. That that person rubbing his hand over his cock is not some random hookup, but Nate. His Nate, his best mate. And, you know, a bloke.

His body certainly doesn't seem to have any of the reservations his mind is prone to, his cock twitching and pulsing at the touch, and only even more so when that shifts from fabric to skin on skin. Nate's hand. His cock. He's not quite sure he's even awake. ]

You like my dick hard? Does that turn you on? [ ever vocal, he asks after a slight moan drawn from the way his teeth scrape his skin, the way his fingers grip around him ]

[Nate hums a quiet 'mhm' in response, releasing Matt's earlobe to move further down to his neck. His mouth moves over the skin there hungrily. He's not meek at all right now, trying to draw out the best reactions by licking, nipping, and sucking at the flesh.

Meanwhile, his hand begins to move with practiced ease. It's not just his own cock he's used to jerking off, but plenty of others as well. He keeps the movements slow, agonizingly so. It's more meant to tease than actually get him off. He wonders just how long Matt will let him go on like that before asking for more.]

[ Matt has had his fair share of hand jobs in his life, but none of them before have been delivered by someone who owns their own dick. Never by someone who knows how it feels, and exactly how to touch to get the right reaction. And fuck if Nate doesn't have him in pieces in seconds.

His hairs stand on end, and he shifts, leaning back into the sofa a little, his knees parting wider. He looks down to see the hand lost beneath the waistband, and in a hurried move he pushes himself up on a hand so he can push the waistband down over his hips and the bottoms off enough so that he can see what he's doing.

It's like torture. Like really fucking nice torture. One hand reaches out and grasps at the arm of the sofa, his fingers pressing into the fabric. ]

Jesus fuck. God Nate you trying to fucking kill me?

[ Because he wants more, oh he wants more. But at the same time he's not about to tell him to stop doing exactly that because, well, wow. ]

[It's a turn on to see Matt get so worked up, to feel as he lifts and pushes his clothing off just so he can see the way Nate is touching him. Yeah, he could get used to that. His own cock is still painfully hard from all of this, but he's focused on Matt right now. Those nearly desperate sounding words cause him to laugh lightly, dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin of Matt's neck before he pulls back enough to respond.]

If I wanted to kill you, I'd have your cock at the back of my throat by now. Just trust me, yeah?

[His hand moves, this time lower. He releases Matt's cock to trail his fingertips over his balls, moving further and letting the tip of his middle finger just graze a bit further back. Nothing with any pressure or probing. Just a tentative touch to see how he might react to anything headed in that direction.]

[ You kiss your mother with that mouth? he says or... sort of says, there's more a breath and a moan on his lips than there is anything else.

As much as he's enjoying watching, his head throws back, and his eyes closed. He's not entirely paying attention then to that gentle journey of his hand. He knows it feels good, and that's about all he can think right now,

But then his hand doesn't stop there, and Matt's heart starts to race before his mind really catches up with why. ]

Nate

[ He says his name as though he intends it to be a warning, to tell him to back off. He is not having gay sex, thank you very much (even if he very much is). But then it isn't a warning that comes out. Instead the word is spoken more like a moan, like a desperate plea. His hand lifts and grabs at Nate's arm like he'd pull it back, and yet at the same time his knees seem to part all the more.

Quite the contradiction, is Matt.

But trust him. Nate says to trust him, and he does. ]

Shh, I've got you. [He says, laying kisses along Matt's neck before pulling back enough to see for himself. The sight of Matt's hard cock jutting out while his hand is tucked lower? Fuck, he's going to be hard for a week at the memory alone. He can sense the way Matt isn't sure how to feel about it, and that's alright. It hasn't be an outright no, so he's going to see if he can take things a little further. His finger is dry, which of course isn't ideal, but he knows if he draws his hand away it will be harder to convince Matt to let him get back to this spot again. So he can just take it slow. He's not planning on going very far with it anyway.

But as his hand moves further back (thanks to the further access he's given by spreading his knees further) Nate shifts to stop kissing Matt's neck, and instead moves much lower, leaning down to drag his tongue over the head of Matt's cock. The way they're positioned won't allow for much more than that, but he wants this to be enjoyable, and that's a sure thing in that department. While his tongue moves, he presses the pad of his middle finger with more purpose, gently massaging before slipping it in just to the first knuckle.]

[ With the shift in movement, it's Nate's shoulder that Matt ends up gripping next. Eyes down, he catches the moment his tongue covers the head of his cock. What was it he just said about being at the back of his throat? Fuck it's hard to concentrate.

He's really fucking terrified by this. Because it's really long past the point he can rationalise any of this as not gay (even if all of that rationale was utter bullshit). But he can't deny that it all feels good. His instinct is to stop him, and maybe even a small part sparks an unpleasant part of him that would shove him off and react badly. But he's done enough work over the last year or so to try and combat that.

Talk about a trial by fire.

He swallows down hard as he feels what his doing, every muscle tightening in a way that no doubt makes the task a little more difficult (and more pronounced on his end). For all the sex Matt has had, he's never had a girl go there, and so the feeling is completely new.

The next noise he lets out is almost a laugh, disbelief wrapped in a moan. ]

Christ, Nate.

[He had expected Matt to stop him, to tell him this was too far, too gay. They could go back to other things, sure, but not that. Except that's not what happened, and all Nate can do is lean a little further down to wrap his lips around the tip of Matt's cock and hum his approval. This is leaps and bounds from where he thought he would be. Nate just assumed Matt was going to be doing things to him to make it seem less gay somehow.

The idea of maybe being able to top Matt down the road? Surprisingly arousing. He's not usually interested in it much, but yeah... He'd give as good as he got.

Nate probs a little deeper, all the while running his tongue over the head of Matt's cock, trying to create the most pleasurable association with his finger's movements as possible. After a moment, though, he pulls his head back up, glancing up to meet Matt's gaze.]

Good? [Just checking in, making sure he doesn't want him to change something he's doing.]

[ This definitely feels pretty fucking gay.

He's doing his best not to think about that though, because the minute he lets himself wrap up too tightly in that then he knows it will cause problems. Stupid ingrained thoughts that things are wrong when everything he feels and knows is telling him the opposite. No wonder he gets so confused. No wonder he gets angry. ]

Not sure [ he manages with a laugh ] I mean yeah, just you know.

[ Watching Nate with his lips around his cock is a fucking thrill. Those soft lips of his. It makes him feel weirdly strong, in control. Maybe that's why he's always been a fan of blow jobs; control in a world that has none. ]

Can you deep throat? [ he asks, curious and lust in his eyes ]

[It isn't the most confident answer in the world, but it's better than he might have expected, all things considered. Matt's question almost makes him laugh, but he manages to keep from doing that and just smirks instead, giving a little nod.]

Yeah, if I take my time. [Not that he expects Matt to try to just ram it down his throat, but he's just figured out over the years that it's better to be clear about that. Getting the impression that Matt would like to experience that, he slowly pulls his hand back, removing his finger and getting up from the couch so that he can kneel between Matt's legs to do this properly.

His hands both run along Matt's legs, looking up at him and trying not to think about the last time he was in a position like this with Matt. This is different. This won't be something Matt's ashamed of come morning. God he hopes that's true.]

I can't promise not to kill you, though.

[ There's an odd feeling of loss when he moves his hand back. Strange, he'd expected it to be relief. He's not going to think on that too much though, not when he's got something else to focus on, and especially when the something else is a blow job.

Years ago this was something he used to tease Nate about. 'oh go on, do the washing up, I'll let you suck me off' or 'you can suck my dick if you do my shift for me today', always like it was some grand sort of prize for Nate and not him. Like he'd be doing him a favour. Well, he was gay and Matt knew he had a crush, makes sense right?

He'd been a bit of a prick.

The statement brings another laugh, and he nods his head at him. ]

Do your worst.

[Those comments? Had been annoying as fuck, but Nate let him get away with it. Because it was Matt. And know he's here, about to go down on him and there's not nearly enough alcohol between them for anyone to blame that. Matt just wants it, wants him. And Nate wants this too. His hand reaches for Matt's cock, getting a firm grip on it as he raises up on his knees to bring his mouth to the tip. Slowly, drags his tongue over the head again, this time making sure to keep his eyes on Matt's the whole time. He moves further down, running his tongue along the entire length of him, feeling the way he twitches under his tongue.]

Oh fuck that's hot.

[ Did he say that out loud? Oops. Well he can't help it when Nate's looking at him like that with his mouth around his cock. He's not sure he's ever seen anything quite so arousing. He's excited, heart racing so much he feels light-headed. He can't help but wonder just how good at this Nate is going to be. After all, he's an artist, right?

His hand reaches out to knot gently into Nate's hair, not to push him, but simply to hold as he moves his mouth against him, the feel if his tongue on his skin drawing moans almost as soon as its begun. ]

[The encouragement is nice. Nate knew Matt was pretty vocal during sex from all that time they lived together. He's heard plenty of muffled dirty talk between those thin walls, but it's different now when it's directed at him, because of things that he's doing. He gives Matt a little smirk before wrapping his lips around the head and sinking down in earnest. He goes about halfway to start, bobbing there a bit, his tongue rolling along the underside while his hand strokes the remaining length.

He keeps it slow, keeps his gaze turned up to watch for Matt's reaction, ready to change what he's doing to make it better for Matt at a moment's notice.]

[ It's maybe a testament to just how turned on Matt is, or maybe to Nate's skills, either way as soon as he's moving his mouth further down around him he's letting out an unhindered groan, fingers tightening ever so slightly into his hair. ]

You really are gonna kill me with that, Jesus Christ alive.

[Nate lets out another hum in response, not wanting to pull back up to gloat just yet. He's got to focus and concentrate on the task at hand. Or in mouth, as it were. Slowly, he lowers his mouth a bit more, until Matt's cock is resting there at the back of his tongue. He pauses there, breathing evenly through his nose, letting the both of them get used to it. His eyes close briefly as he fights against his body's natural reflexes, pulling his hand away as he sinks further, taking all of him.

He holds the position for as long as he can. He knows this is easier for some guys (girls too. they've given him plenty of tips tbh) but he's gotten better. And this time he wants to make it as good as possible, because it's for Matt. After a few moments, he pulls back with a little gasp.]

[ It's a good blow job. On any level, it's a good blow job. And that's without all the other stuff, emotional stuff, that's all wrapped around it in knots and makes everything here mean more, makes all of it more intense. Because all this means so much, a terrifying amount of so much.

It's when he takes him to the back of his throat though that Matt lets out a loud: ]

Fuck [ and a moan that seems to shake his core. His free hand grasps desperately at the old couch cushions. They've seen a lot of things, but never this. ]

Oh fucking hell yes. [ And it's good too to see the way it makes Nate breathless, to know that it was his hard cock that caused that, that he could feel the tip touching his throat. Adore it as he might, it's enough to have him grabbing at Nate's arm and pulling him in a gesture to bring him closer.

He wants to kiss him, wants to so much it feels like some sort of deep rooted visceral need ]

[Still panting lightly, Nate looks so incredibly pleased with himself for the reaction. He wants to keep going, to draw that noise out of Matt again, but he's tugging at Nate's arm. How could he ever say no to that. So he moves up, but instead of sitting on the couch, he just climbs into Matt's lap, straddling him and shifting his hips so that his hard cock will nudge against Matt's if he moves just right. That's just a nice byproduct of being this close to him, really.]

Still alive, I see. [He says with a teasing smile before he drops his voice to a lower whisper.] Next time, I want to make you finish like that. In my mouth. I want to taste you.

[He couldn't bring himself to do it the other time. He had just finished Matt with his hand and let him roll over to sleep. It just hasn't felt right. But this does. God this does.]

Fuck, well since you've asked so nicely.[ he laughs, god this is so nice, nice that they can laugh like this and it's more than just sex. It's not even really about the sex, he doesn't think. It's complicated and sort of fucking brilliant.

Shifting a little, he wraps an arm around Nate, pulling him closer in an action that has his cock pressing up against his. It gives him enough pause to look down, to see how their bodies touch one another. ]

Okay that's pretty fucking gay [ he points out, but there's a laugh with it. He really can't deny it now, can he? Looking back up, he leans in to kiss him, breathy and hot, before leaning back just enough to talk. ]

I think we should get you to bed.

[There's something nearly familiar about this, about the banter and the way they're going back and forth. But the subject is totally new. It's still them, though. Nate and Matt. It's good to know that there wasn't much that could change that. The kiss leaves him panting all the more, both of his hands resting on Matt's shoulders, looking down at him and wondering just how the hell the fate could work out to put them here.]

Yeah. Bed would be good.

[Sadly that requires moving, so he leans in to kiss him another time for good measure before he gets up and heads for his bedroom. Probably for the best, anyway. Plenty of condoms and lube hiding in his bedside table.

Jesus, they're really going to do this, aren't they?]