cravating | (no subject)

Not really. I mean, I've held off for the sake of making everything last longer, but this is more about keeping you right there, right on the edge without actually...

[He shakes his head and laughs]

So you have?

Well I've kept myself going. Kind of pride myself on never finishing too early, you know? But you mean like holding it back? Okay yeah no. I mean isn't the next bit kind of the whole point?

[ educate him, Nate. ]

Yeah, but if you wait, it can feel even better. Or so I hear.

[ Huh. Well that's interesting. ]

You know I don't think I've ever had someone ask me to not make them come before.

[Nate chokes on a laugh]

I'm pretty sure in the moment, I'd be begging for it. But that's part of the idea. It wouldn't be up to me.

[He shifts a little in his seat. Talking about this, thinking about this... Well, it's having the stat of an effect.]

[ Oh that's an interesting thought isn't it? Sort of distractingly so, and Nate isn't the only one shifting a bit. He clears his throat and leans back. ]

You always talk about fucking on a first date?

[ Yes he said the thing out loud. Actually a date, definitely a date. And yes, he's pushing it all back to him like he started this. ]

Not always, no.

[He manages another smile because he called it a date!!]

I don't think you seem to mind.

[ That makes him laugh, and he shakes his head a bit. ]

So is that how you think I am with these things? Just all about sex. Means to an end, that sort of thing?

I don't think you're just anything, Matt. Never have.

You know that's why I-- [ fuck he almost said it, like a reflex, it'd be so easy, but something stops the words before they slip out, and he shifts again instead, leaning forward again, elbows on the table before casually leaning one of those hands forward, palm upturned so he can take his hand. If he likes.

He takes a deep breath. ]

So what is it you do think then?

[He wants to ask. He wants to know just how that sentence was going to end, but he doesn't want to press his luck. The offered hand is a huge step, though. They're in public, after all. People could see that.

Nate moves his hand and rests it on top of Matt's, his fingertips gently tracing circles over his wrist, feeling the rhythm of his pulse, like a drum beat that grounds him in this moment.]

That you're pretty fucking wonderful. And messy. And talented.

[Each word is said with intense sincerity. His mouth curves up into a small smile, his teeth catching his bottom lip briefly before he adds]

And hot.

[ It makes him smile, almost blush, a clear flush rising to his cheeks. Yet still he laughs a bit and responds with a grin. ]

Yeah well I know I'm hot.

[ It's bravado though, even if he's more than aware he's not bad to look at, it's all delivered with a flippancy that almost dismisses how nice it is to hear all of that. ]

You know you're not so terrible yourself, Nate. [ He echoes Nate's own words ] Pretty fucking wonderful, actually.

[His hand wraps around Matt's a little tighter, giving it a squeeze.]

So did you want to look at the dessert menu, or..?

[ Gently, Matt's hand shifts a little, letting his fingers move so they can slip between Nate's. Yes, this is happening. He grips slightly. ]

You know... [ he takes a breath. ] I probably shouldn't be coming back to yours. I mean I don't want you to think that's why I'm doing all this.

[It's funny how natural it feels to hold Matt's hand like this.]

I don't think that, though. And I... I don't want to say goodnight when we leave here, so...

[Quit trying to be a gentleman, Matt. Or at least come be one at his flat.]

[ It makes Matt's heart race a bit. It's scary, because people can see, but maybe scarier because it's actually not weird. It doesn't feel wrong, it feels exactly like what he should be doing. He looks at him, really looks at him, and then he finds himself laughing. ]

You know it's funny. I mean it should be weird. Fancying you. Because I do Nate. Fancy you, that is. In case you weren't sure on that.

I've had a feeling. But it's good to hear.

[He gives Matt's hand a little squeeze.]

That goes both ways, just so you know.

I've always known.

[ There were times he'd act oblivious to it. Times he'd pretend to himself he didn't know. Times he'd tease him, as though it was nothing real. But it's real, he knows that. ]

I mean you don't hide it much, those big puppy dog eyes you've got.

I don't have puppy dog eyes.

[He weakly argues, blushing a bit.]

[ And there's a laugh louder than is probably polite in an establishment like this. ]

Fuck off you don't. Look at you! And you could cut people with those cheekbones. [ there's another little lean forward, sharing a secret ]

You know back when we first met I thought you were a model. You look like you'd fallen right out of one of those high fashion things.

[It's Nate's turn to laugh at that confession.]

What? Are you serious?

Yes I'm serious. And you seemed like a right little pretentious cock too which I was like yeah a model would be like that. But how the fuck should I know, I'd never met anybody like you before.

You're ridiculous. [He says, shaking his head.] I was sort of trying too hard back then anyway. Wanted to make sure I was artsy enough or something.

Yeah like that month you thought eyeliner was a good idea. [ because Matt notices everything Nate ever did, clearly. ]

So what's this then? Effortless? I bet you've got a whole wardrobe of skinny jeans, you fucking hipster.

Don't act like you weren't checking out my ass in those skinny jeans yesterday. You should be thanking me.