cravating | (no subject)

You might have worked out I'm not very good at realising what I want.

I know. And it's okay, but I don't want you shutting things out just because of your fucking asshole of a father. You might enjoy something more than you think.

Doesn't mean I'm about to suck dick, Nate. Da or no da. I've had plenty women who weren't into it too you know. It's not me being a twat.

Yeah, but I don't think any of them told you it was too hetero for them to do it. That's all I'm saying. You're not saying no because you're not into it. You're saying no because you think it would make you too gay. You have no idea if you'd want it. Just said so yourself.

Does it matter why I don't want to do it? I just don't. Did you pressure Simon this much for a blow job?

Didn't have to pressure him at all for one, actually.

[Oh this is going well]

Look, forget I said anything about it. It's not a big deal.

Well ask him for one then.

Don't be like that

Well what I'm offering clearly isn't good enough so just go back to your boyfriend and forget this happened it'd be easier

Would you quit calling him that? I left him for a reason. A reason that can annoy the piss out of me when he tries, but still a good reason.

Sorry. I'm getting a bit me aren't I.

A bit yeah. And I know it's going to happen when I push some stuff, which is why I don't always want to. Especially if you're going to tell me to go back to Simon every time.

[ and there's another gap before he sends this, because it's a fairly biggie ]

I don't want you to go back to Simon. I want you with me.

You're all I want, Matt. This. With you.

[ He types it out. He actually types it out. I love you and hovers over the send button for a good minute before he deletes the words and replaces them with something else entirely. ]

You got it.

Good. Well, I should maybe get some sleep. But Monday, yeah?

Monday. I'll see you there. Table booked under my name, I'll meet you inside.

[He gets there at about 6:45, dressed in gray trousers that are tighter than most could pull off and a light blue sweater with a scarf, because of course he has a scarf. Heading in, he tells her the reservation is for Byrne and she shows him to the table reserved.

Nate finds he's nervous, properly nervous which is silly, considering. He's had dinner with Matt plenty of times, but never dinner that was also a date. He removes his scarf and his coat and drapes them over his chair before having a seat. He checks his phone again to look at the time before setting it on the table, just in case Matt texts with some delay.

Of course he wouldn't stand him up. Right?]

[ It's about ten past when Matt gets there. Delays on the tube, and of course he couldn't fucking text and let him know, so by the time he gets there he's in a bit of a panic that Nate is going to have left or something.

He stalls outside, calming himself down before getting inside and being led over towards the table. When he said he'd wear a suit, he wasn't joking, and he's there in a deep navy suit, modern cut, with a crisp white shirt underneath, buttons open maybe one or two more than they need to be. Around his wrist though he still wears his same old battered leather cuff, and from his neck that old charm that Nate once gave him hangs from a leather strap.

He's wearing maybe a touch more aftershave than he needs to. ]

Hey, Nate. Sorry fucking underground you know how it is.

[Looking over the menu as Matt approaches, it's not until he speaks that Nate realizes. Glancing up in a hurry, his smile of relief comes immediately. He sort of half stands from his seat as a reflex.]

Hey. No, I understand. Can't be helped. You made it, though. And you look... wow.

Yeah? I don't look like a cock? [ He's genuinely worried. He doesn't usually wear this sort of thing, the chance of looking like a cock is pretty high.

He moves to sit down, tucking himself into the seat and shifting a bit. ]

And you look great too. I mean really. [ he smiles at him, if a little nervously, before leaning forward a bit to whisper over the table ] You look hot.

[Sitting when Matt does, Nate's adjusting the tablecloth when he leans over to whisper that remark and just... blushes deeply.]

Thanks. And no- you pull it off really well. Still prefer you in jeans and one of those tshirts that looks like it's going to fall apart, but it's nice for a special occasion, I think.

Edited 2015-11-23 00:34 (UTC)

Well fuck if I'd known that I'd have just grabbed something off the floor. Thought you liked this sort of thing.

[ He's really trying to make an effort, and for him, for the things he'd think Nate would like from someone. He's not really figuring how that would be him.

He grabs a menu, flicking it open and giving it the once over before frowning. He understands nothing on it. ]

Salmon mousse? Why the fuck would you turn fish into mousse? Like the shit you put in hair?

No, it's like... whipped. Like chocolate mousse? But not sweet. It's good. I mean other places where I've had it, at least.

[He's regretting this choice a little. Matt just looks uncomfortable. That's not at all what he wanted.]

Oh right. Right yeah. Course. I knew that.

[ He didn't. He just thinks he should have. He really wants to be able to do this, to be able to go to Nate places and fit into his little world. He's had to do it before, had to perform, it's just like that, isn't it? ]

So how's your day been?