[ He's holding his hand, and that's somehow harder than the ear biting and thigh rubbing. It's emotional, and to admit he has feelings for him is so hard. It goes against how he was brought up, even by the good people in his life. ]

It was me though. [ he frowns a bit. he wishes it wasn't but he knows it was. ]

I'm capable of that. I wish it was some fucking demon or something, something that took over me, apart from the drink. But it wasn't. It was me. And I did that to the most fucking important person in my life. I could have killed you. If I didn't stop when I did then I would have. Two more hits, they said. Just two.